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Writer's picturePaula F. Hill

When JOY is like bile.


Wow, things are grand!

  • Your relationship is rockin' (he's behaving - sex is frequent and honest.)

  • The business of your dreams tripled in profits last quarter.

  • Fido has finally gotten over his chronic chewing and the hair's grown-in.

  • The parents have settled into the Senior Center and Sorted Affairs has taken care of all their stuff (whew!)

  • You can't say enough about the progress Jimmy and Sally have made in their education achievements. They've both managed to participate in the Graduation ceremony.

  • Jimmy overcame the coke addiction and ditched the loser girlfriend.

  • Conner repaired the white picket fence and seal-coated the driveway, as promised two summers ago.

Then you meet up with your old college friend, Jane.

She pulls up in a melted looking sedan. Jane's mouth is a single line on the lower half of her face. Down-and-out doesn't begin to describe her mood. In the midst of a nasty-ass divorce, she's on her way to the Poor House 'cause she sucks-in money like a tree chipper in her own law practice. Cory's a Math teacher at the local High School and drags along the youth like a shell on his back. Her only son is incarcerated for blowing up three homes when his meth lab impaled. Jane looks like a Lounge Performer from the 70's, appearing to be out of her element in the sunshine, blinking too much and chewing gum like a giraffe.

A long monologue, representing her last miserable year ensues, over what you hope is soothing coffee and homemade macadamia chocolate biscuits. She pauses between cookies and asks how the kids are faring.

This is your chance to share your successes, preen the catapult above and beyond the suffering and wretchedness you experienced in the recent past. In a panic, you realize the glow of achievement is barely discernable under Jane's cumulous cloud of dread.

What do you do?

You're embarrassed by the gains. The flow of honoring yourself passes you by, like the split-second sight of a breathtaking eagle as you pass a car in the fast lane. You've come so very far since you last shared cappuccinos with Jane.

Yet you're rainbow isn't so shiny as the smile of delight turns flat and seeks shelter in a messed-up presentation, doomed fender bender. A funky story eeks-out, regarding Jimmy's ex, Penelope (who names their kid THAT?) The chance to gleen the Bigger Picture of Triumph is gone.

The Joy sizzled away.

Until the next opportunity to be your True Self, and canter with PRIDE.

Bring it on!


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