At Our Lowest Comes True Self
The window’s open a crack. Too sweaty, a brief whiff of sour smell emits from my underarms. I jump in the shower, soasto sleep more comfortably. It’s a sheet on, blanket on, blanket off, sheet off, then on again kinda night. Who woulda guessed, by the cool forecast?
In the darkness once again, my active brain digs around in the storeroom, searching for unkind memories, sadness and longing that was the foundation for a stack of photos, journals, last three years of tax documents I unearthed today. They slide out from underneath, like a snake coming out as the dirt cools.
I’ve shrunk by 10%, maybe 15%, eliminated all of the fluids from my body somuchso my mouth is dry and tongue lies on the bottom of my mouth, ineffective. Dried-out, like the peonies lying prone on the floor of the flowerbed.
The Past, that once was the Present, unfurls and spits in my face. Doom, gloom, regret, the multi-faceted face of "What Could Have Been" stares from the black ceiling. Shame and misfortune, wrongs turns and poor choices drip down.
From the window comes a slight turn of air. I’m drawn to the crispness. Open the gap more. And a bit more. The soothing song of wind pours in. The stars and moon appear, as At Your Lowest, True Self busts through, like the little force of air from the crack. The slightest light allows the Present to link with the Heart and Soul.
Promise, determined breath, heartbeat, lungs pushing in and out rhythmically, bring me to the consistent sense of acceptance.
Who better than you, Love, is there?
In the pace of Everyday, I forget. I discount the Happiness and Kindred Spirits that’re forever present.
Life is remarkable, when you allow it to Be.
I am the Light of figuring it out.
I’m the Leader of my own Free World.
I am upbeat and pleasure.
I’m free and able to choose.
I can see who I am during loss and confusion. I’ve the willingness to view it differently.
I’m one to take my own route, versus the obvious one, the very path that everyone follows.
I am Freedom and Joy in the mirror of my Cause.
I’m thankful and passionate at Peace, peering out, from one of those windows above.