It's about space...well, no it isn't about space, though we do take up some of that too!
For over two weeks (I've lost count of the hand-wringers, hair pulling, days full of angst) I've been without a laptop and ipad...spilled seltzer water on my Mac keyboard and pfft, it went black.
Three vendors later, I replaced it with a refurbished Mac and got a little mini ipad as my back-up. Watched one webinar, shut the lid, and the damned thing never started up again. The ipad deleted messages, had a jittery screen, hopped between tabs, didn't respond to my tap, tap, TAPPING!!!
I felt exasperated while jabbing away on my little iphone keys, worried about the things I was missing, upset since I couldn't open links, attachments were itty bitty, I wanted to sign-up for the first iphone 101 course I found...then again, would it load on my cell?
Finally, finally, I got ahold of a new refurbished Mac and here I am. Not really knowing how to mesh all of what's been going on into recognizable themes, let alone words. It's as though time's been erased from my past. All the inspiring ideas, insight, awareness, solutions for World Peace, things I was desperate to share, are deleted from the "Paula" hard drive. Though the sensations are still lodged in my Soul.
Out of the discouragement, enhanced ineptness, lazer-focus on what I WASN'T able to generate, I found some of me, where it was stored, I really can't say. Yet, it's the My Self I'm now willing to share.
I read three books (one of my all-time favs: Martha Beck's Expecting Adam,) laughed (a LOT) over coffee chats (with someone other than a dog,) brought friends and family into my consciousness who'd been lost in the online shuffle, wrote and wrote and wrote on tablets of paper.
In the snippets of information I gleaned from the internet on my teeny cell screen, I wept. These two or more weeks have been inextricably painful. My shares were more succinct, and true, sometimes caustic and furious, other times quavery and desperate. Underlying, though, was the idea that:
I seek love, acceptance, and community.
Who doesn't?
From now on, I vow to take more time offline than online. BE with my friends and family, and stand behind what I believe in. If it means training my Self to be telepathic, so be it!
I buy, speak of, use, live, as though this is a precious life, the only one I'll remember.
If you're along for the ride, please share!
and thank you, for listening, while I was raving about my inoperable hardware